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Le site des lecteurs de Marc-Édouard Nabe

Envoyer Imprimer PDF

L'Homme qui arrêta d'écrire

Genre : Roman
Editeur : Édité par l'auteur
Date de parution : 14 janvier 2010
Nombre de pages : 686
ISBN : 978-2-9534879-0-9


– Pardon de vous déranger, me dit alors un jeune homme en se penchant vers moi. Est-ce que je pourrais avoir un autographe s'il vous plaît ?... Vous êtes pour moi le plus merveilleux des écrivains, celui qui a changé ma vie. C'est bien simple, je vous adule.
– Vous me flattez, lui dis-je, mais je suis désolé, je n'écris plus, même mon nom, surtout mon nom...
Un peu interloqué, il me demande :
– Mais... Est-ce que je peux au moins vous serrer la main ?
OK, j'accepte, et le type qui a de grands yeux bleu délavé me serre la main. Quelle horreur. À ce niveau-là ce n'est même plus moite que ça s'appelle, mais poisseux, boueux, crémeux... J'ai la sensation d'avoir enfoncé ma main droite dans un trou du cul plein de merde. Dès qu'il me la desserre, je regarde par acquit de conscience... L'obscurité du Baron aidant, je me demande si en effet ma main n'est pas souillée de son caca... Je sens mes doigts, ça pue en plus. Lorsque mon fan se redresse, je m'aperçois que sur son visage même, il a des excréments sur les joues et le front... Ça ne peut pas être des traces de chocolat... Je montre à Zoé qui ne voit rien. Mais oui, il a bien des marques de merde sur le visage, ça lui fait comme de grosses gouttes qui dégoulinent... Sa transpiration est merdeuse. Mon adulateur était tellement ému de me rencontrer qu'il a sué de la merde. Je n'explique pas ça autrement sachant très bien ce que je peux provoquer chez mes admirateurs les plus ravagés, et ce depuis le début...
– Vous exagérez... me dit Zoé.
– Pas du tout. Tu ne sais pas ce qui se passe dans le ventre des lecteurs qui prétendent me comprendre et m'aimer, ça déborde. J'en ai eu des fans, et des bizarres... Il y en a de toutes sortes... le fan qui m'adore, puis me déteste, puis qui me réadore en disant pourquoi il m'avait détesté, souvent c'était juste parce qu'il avait lu un mot qui lui avait déplu sur des milliers de pages... Les femmes ne sont pas en reste, j'en ai vu une qui ne pouvait me dire que des vacheries par émotivité. Elle en était consciente. Elle me disait, toute rouge : « Je vous adore mais ça me fait un tel choc de vous rencontrer que je ne peux pas vous dire autre chose, les crapauds me sortent de la bouche. »
– Curieux.
– Un aussi qui, toujours par timidité, ne me parlait pendant deux heures que de ses problèmes de trains, d'horaires, de circulation, multipliant les anecdotes microscopiques avec des gens sans intérêt, avant de repartir sans m'avoir dit un seul mot sur mes livres ni sur ce qu'ils lui apportaient... Un autre fan encore m'appelait en pleurant à chaudes larmes au téléphone, parce qu'il s'en voulait d'avoir fait une gaffe dans une de ses lettres, il ne voulait pas que je le méprise pour ça, j'étais obligé de le consoler, il me demandait pardon, et bien sûr, dans sa lettre suivante, recommençait de plus belle.
– C'est carrément des rapports sado-masos, s'étonne Zoé qui ne doute de rien, plongée dans son rêve d'idéalisation de la littérature...
– J'ai même connu un fan qui s'est tapé quatre fois de suite la lecture en continu des quatre tomes de mon journal intime, soit 3 914 pages multipliées par 4 égalent 15 656... Arrivé à la fin, où j'avais trente et un an et plusieurs livres publiés, il enchaînait sur moi à l'âge de 24 ans où je finissais mon premier manuscrit. Ça veut dire que pour lui, après le 17 septembre 1990, on était automatiquement le 27 juin 1983, et ce trois fois de suite... Ce jeune homme revivait sept ans d'une vie qui ne le concernait absolument pas, et en boucle, jusqu'à se donner la sensation nauséeuse du mouvement perpétuel de la résurrection du temps, d'un autre temps, celui précédant sa propre naissance. Ça lui a pris plusieurs semaines pendant lesquelles il ne vivait pas sa vie mais la mienne, quatre fois la mienne, et sans surprise. C'est-à-dire que sa vie était de me vivre et de me revivre. Comment n'est-il pas devenu fou ? Mystère... Ah, j'ai bien fait de détruire la suite de mon Journal, en le brûlant je l'ai effacé d'avance de la vie des autres.

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